It is probably natural to assume that a fairy godmother has visited me and waved her magic wand and made all my struggles regarding keeping up with the housework disappear — at least, it is natural for me to expect that any day now she will show up, tapping on my window with her magic wand to get my attention, freezing her poor fairy wings to a crisp and having to cling to the iron railing of the second story window so that she won’t fall down with frozen wings. (But perhaps the rest of you do not actually keep an eye on the windows for such things?)
In any case, there has been no occasion of opening the window and letting such a fantastic visitor tumble in; so all assumptions that there has — I say this gently: it is so kind of anyone to entertain high hopes for me — would be misplaced.
I generally have a day where I can scarcely even sustain the effort to concentrate after a day where I have been *very good*. I was *very good* yesterday: I read for several hours, washed dishes for at least another several, and did laundry, and this on top of making myself presentable for the duration. In consequence of which I could hardly drag myself out of bed this morning, have only the concrete reading of a Psalm to show for the past hours, and a pathetically small little mountain of crumpled kleenex as a byproduct of going about to establish my own housewifely righteousness.
The Bible tells us to redeem the time because the days are evil. Wasted days are one of the biggest evils that I feel can never be redeemed; and so today seemed like a very evil day indeed. But as I was altering the landscape with my kleenex mountain, poring over the woes of the world, and especially of my loved ones, and some of my own woes, and calling this ‘prayer’, I remembered some things I read yesterday, and knew what they meant better today than I did then. Indeed, it seemed like the meaning of the words I read then, was really only a meaning that you understand not with your head when you hear it, but with your heart when you remember it. And the meaning was simply my Saviour Himself, coming into those words and making them mean, in the middle of all the wasted hours, Him.
So it strikes me that all days really are, anyway, are lengths of time for Him to come into: and that all time is redeemed where He is.
And that I would rather look up and find that He has come in and redeemed my time any day, than to look up and find a frozen fairy knocking on the window with her magic wand, clinging perilously to the iron rail with her shimmery cold toes, promising to turn me into Super-Redeeming-the-Time-Woman, begging to be let in.
(Not that I wouldn’t make her a cup of tea, of course, and discuss the weather: but I do prefer more human company.)
Ruby
countrylane
eworpell
Lauren
hemuen
jessi
Heidi
Laura
lucricausa
mengmom
prudenceblue
virginiasusan
keeping house 
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January 26, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Ruby
Ah Heidi, when we have the Lord, these other fantasies are of no improtance!
I do trust that the Lord is with you in a powerful way today. May he lift your up. While house work may not get done, your time is well spent in pondering the goodness of your Saviour.
January 26, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Jessica
You have been in my prayers, Heidi. I love reading your posts…even when you’re feeling “down” your creative writing makes me smile. Hopeful for some sunshine and more good days than bad soon. ☼
January 27, 2010 at 2:11 am
Heidi
Jessica, you all have been in my prayers daily as well — and as your hairbows always make me smile, I’m very glad I could return some of the good cheer. I can’t say that the days have been ‘bad’, indeed, lately, when there has been so much comfort in them; that’s the nicest sort of sunshine: but yes, I do look forward very much to the return of light.
Ruby thanks so much for your prayers: you are also in mine. I do wish my housework were done more regularly — but it’s good to know that God is with us whether or not we are able to ‘perform’, isn’t it?
I don’t actually have to even drag myself out of bed tomorrow, due to the ingenious device of making Ruben’s lunch *tonight* — at least not until evening when we must venture forth into the streets of the city in our vehicular conveyance in order to do the month’s grocery shopping (we did it for the whole month last time, and it worked beautifully: I just love only having to go shopping 12 times a year, except for fun things like produce.)
January 27, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Lauren
Heidi, once again, we are in a timely convergence. I started a couple of days ago to draft a “small triumphs” piece, but for want of energy, an abundance of other priorities, and the need to collect more data, it may or may not see completion.
In any case, you’re so completely right: where the Lord is, there is redemption. I think the nagging sense of accountability to produce material evidence of time well spent is really little more than pride telling us it is ours to spend.
January 27, 2010 at 3:29 pm
mengmom
Heidi, one of the ladies from church and I were talking recently about not being able to keep on top of things the way we would like. She made good sense. She said that while she couldn’t get everything done(the house, homeschool etc.) she could at least be faithful. I thought that was such a good point. As long as we are faithful to Christ, we need not make our own expectations of such great importance.
You have always seemed to me to be a truly faithful child of God.
January 27, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Heidi
Lauren, how apt to be in a ‘timely’ convergence :-) And you always understand what I mean so well: ‘where the Lord is, there is redemption’. And though I am all in favor of getting my dishes done regularly, I do think you are right that there is a measure of pride and autonomy in wanting so badly to have something to show for time that is really in His hands.
Denise, yes — faithfulness is *far* more important than meeting our own expectations. Thank you so much for the reminder — and the encouragement. I am far from faithful; but I am a child of God, so I have hope that He will make me so, like Him, ‘in time’ :-)
(& PS. It’s a good thought that even days when I don’t get much done are days when He is faithful to me, and is conforming me more to that image.)
January 27, 2010 at 8:13 pm
virginiasusan
Heidi,
God is the One who gives you good health or not so you need to be wise about how to spend that little energy you do have. The Lord doesn’t blame you for not being well and not being able to do what well people can do. I was talking to my friend Michelle today who is expecting a baby. I told her that sometimes with a newborn you’ll be doing well if you can get your hair washed. The Lord looks at things so much differently than we do. If that mother is faithful the really important things do get done and the rest can slide. The story of Mary and Martha illustrates that clearly. You live near to Him sick or well and He loves to bless His children. The temptation to be too busy getting things done that you neglect spending time with the Lord is much more dangerous.
January 28, 2010 at 3:09 am
Heidi
Susan, that is very wise advice — and sometimes even without a newborn you are doing well if you can get your hair washed :-). It’s good to think that ‘the Lord looks at things so much differently than we do’. Also it is good to be reminded that ‘He loves to bless His children’ and that we can live near to Him whether we are sick or well: that is very precious. Being unwell doesn’t disqualify you, as it does with so many things in life — so many interactions — from coming to Him.
Incidentally I must add re: making Ruben’s lunch last night that I was *so excited* about sleeping in this morning that I lay awake half the night! And then Ruben’s alarm didn’t go off anyway — so I lay there watching it grow light and wondering what was going on until I realised, and woke him up. I did marry the kindest person — he actually did the month’s shopping for me this evening, and me stay home because of how tired I’ve been. He tells me things went much more quickly without my indecisive doddling :-). He is my knight in shining armor at the moment (grocery shopping is my ‘dragon’): I’m almost euphorically happy that he went out and slaughtered so much food for us, and that we could simply eat and sleep for weeks, if necessary.
January 28, 2010 at 5:10 am
virginiasusan
Dear Heidi,
You’re so right that getting your hair washed or doing other regular chores becomes a major job when you’re not feeling well. I hope that you were able to get some rest today. Reuben IS a wonderful husband to do all the month’s shopping for you. That was so thoughtful of him.